Personal musings about a bitter-sweet day.

Some days leave you gloomy, some leave you glowing with happiness and good cheer. Sometimes though, at the end of the day, you just don’t know whether you are more happy or more sad.

Yesterday, 15 June 2011, was just such a day for me.

The day started with more than usual bustle as I had to rush off to the hospital for the blood transfusion. But before I could rush off, a phone call from my cousin alerted me of something unpleasant going on on my facebook profile. So Instead of rushing to the hospital, I rushed to my computer, only to find myself caught in the fight between two friends. Fighting in itself is unpleasant. But being caught in a fight where you are called for to take sides between friends is something I would rather fight away with. In my hurry to go to the hospital, I did the only thing I could think of at that moment. I told both of them to take their fight elsewhere. Thankfully, they both obliged.

Once in the hospital, I forgot the fight and busied myself in playing on my phone till the nurse came. Well, she came in due time and started the blood in just two pricks. Nothing unusual in that. But then, another phone call came.

Hospitals have always been like a second home. I have spent several festivals there, and made many friends. But I never thought I would be giving a job interview from a hospital too! But that’s what happened. Sitting on the hospital’s bed, with a needle in my arm, I found myself answering the questions of the interviewer. I don’t know why, or I know but can’t explain, but really, it felt weird. Sad, and weird.

But things were going to get weirder still. I had lunch and then lay down on the hospital bed to sleep. I remember that the blood bag was about a quarter full at that time. I jusdged that there was still one and a half hour at least for it to empty. Time enough to take a nap.

About twenty minutes later, I was woken up by some sound outside my room. I opened my eyes, only to stare at the empty blood bag and the already half-empty tube! Had I slept on just two minutes longer, even the tube would have become empty!.My mother was sitting right in front, but she was engrossed in reading the newspaper, little dreaming that the blood would finish up so soon. But somehow, it had.

Well, I don’t say I felt particularly scared. But yeah, I did feel a bit shaken.

Anyway, I was happy too at getting free so soon and returned home much before the expected time. The computer was switched on. I logged onto facebook. The fight had been taken off my profile, thankfully, but the matter took till night to get sorted out through chats and messages. And then, when I logged onto my page on facebook, I found a message cheerily telling me that I looked like Michael Jackson in my profile pic! Haha. Would really like to know if that was meant as a compliment or a comment. Whatever it was, I think I gave a fitting reply by saying that that was at least better than the way i looked in real life 🙂 It must have been jokingly posted, I’m sure, and I took it as such too. But yeah, I must confess, the sentence lingered on in my mind till I fell asleep.

After reading all this, you’d imagine that my day had been clearly of the darker shade. So why was I feeling confused in my emotions? Well, because besides all this, something very happy happened too. Ten complimentary copies of my novel were delivered into my hands.

My novel! Yes! Now I am a author of a general fiction novel!

However, as I stared at it yesterday, with feverish and drowsy eyes and tired mind (effects of blood transfusion) I was more surprised at the total lack of thrill in my heart. I looked at it, admired the cover, was glad that the book was well printed, and then I put it down and went to watch tv. Why didn’t I grin in delight? Why didn’t I dance with joy at having my first book in my hands? All I experienced was half-felt shreds of emotions, some bitter, some sweet, and tiredness.

How weird.

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2 thoughts on “Personal musings about a bitter-sweet day.”

  1. Fret not Jyoti… maybe it was just a bad hair day. You should be celebrating your first novel… congratulations once again and wish you all the very best! 😀

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